Why are you downcast?

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God!" - Psalm 42:5

Yes, this week has had its moments. Perhaps I should say weeks. Times when I wanted to throw in the towel and cash in my chips...whatever that means... You know those moments, hours, days that try your soul? When you look out through the fog and have to ask yourself, "Is all this worth it? I've given, I've poured, I've exposed my vulnerable heart for what? "

Yep...I asked the Lord... Wait, I think I told the Lord I was done. I was checking out for a time, as I was so weary. That kind of weary where the soul aches? You know...that kind. Even chocolate doesn't fix this sort of soul, if you know what I mean.

And I wait, with my heart in my hand, hoping that all the effort was worth it. Looking at my challenges, instead of my God.

That's when a precious person came into my classroom and fulfilled a promise made. My heart catches... The tears come.

That's when, after pouring our the pain to my son, who is now one of my dearest friends and a powerful listener, gives me a hug. One of those great big hugs that fills the soul, you know? What man have I raised and been blessed to have call me Mom?

That's when my sweetheart hands me dinner...his signature dinner...as we sit together for the evening. He makes the best egg tacos, by the way! I don't deserve him... Yet he and I, we're a team.

That's when I am invited along with my other son for a quick errand in his company's car...during which time we talk and he reminds me that the journey is worth it. The pain of my weary soul matters. That time when my son listens for the cracks in my heart, and he pours in wisdom and truth... When did these roles switch on me? I'm the mom giving encouragement and guidance, aren't I?

That's when I receive a note letting me know that someone is a changed life because they have brushed up against my family...they feel their value. A fresh wash of tears come... All that exposure mattered? A changed life? This wasn't my doing...

That's when I look up and see a beloved student walking in looking like a million bucks with a tie...just to show me their interview outfit. "Yes, I will pray for you at 4:00 today!" I say...and do...and get a thank you. Lord, help Jr. get the job! He deserves a break...

That's when I have that phone call from my "dad" reminding me that it's My Father and I... I don't give, serve, pour out, make mistakes, keep going, weep alone... It's My Father and I who go forth.

It's My Father and I...

"Why are you downcast, O my sou? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God!"

I feel the strength seep back into my soul. I see the color begin to return to the canvas of my heart, which turns to a wave of brilliant hues of pinks, reds, oranges, and yellow...

Yes, It's My Father and I. He and I are a team... I’m partnered with Him!

It's My Father and I...