Today…Thank You, Lord, for today…
Warning: Long post! Read if you dare.
Today... Thank You, Lord, for today...
Three weeks ago on this day, I received a call that no one wants to ever get. That call that drops your heart to your shoes without hope of retrieving it back to your chest. "Mrs. Weron, I have you on speaker phone with your husband. We got the results back from the CAT scan, and your husband has terminal damage to his lungs. We will need to intubate to simply prolong his life with little hope of coming off, or refer you to Hospice to end his life as painlessly as possible."
That phone call...
Well, of course, I requested to see Peter. (Sixteen days of fighting this all alone in a hospital room, without a single visitor... Thank You, Lord, for wonderful nurses! Can I get a shout-out to them?!?!?! Angels in scrubs...). Of course, it was against hospital policy to see Peter, as he was quarantined.
I said the only thing that I could think of... "No, we will not make a decision on Peter's care until I can see him, hold his hand, and pray with him. That won't work for us, Doctor."
A quick phone call about a half hour later... "Ma'am, we have got an allowance for you to come in and see your husband through the glass for 15 minutes."
Again, “Sorry, Doctor, that will not work for us. We will not make a decision on my husband's life until I can sit with him, hold his hand and we can pray together."
Long story short, and three phone calls later. "We have permission for you to come and sit with your husband for 15 minutes. When did you want to come in, tomorrow?" "I'm already on my way and will be there in 40 minutes."
My mind was flitting back to the scripture that I was given the night I dropped him off at the hospital... "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done." - Psalm 118:17. (I had opened my Bible and found this underlined in pink with "Pete's favorite!" written at the beginning of the Psalm.) This verse rattled through my mind about a million times a day. I was clinging to this verse with both hands and the grip of my heart.
Terminal didn't fit with this verse. Not one little bit....
My sister pulls up at the hospital, I take a deep breath, grab my bag with my Bible in it, and stumble towards the door. Is this my last visit with Pete? What should I say? How will he look? How do I encourage him?
"He will not die but live, and will proclaim all that the Lord has done..." "He will not die but live...."
I go to the front desk, give them my ID, smile a shaky smile for the picture, and rush towards the elevator.
As I exit from the elevator, the charge nurse greets me and escorts me silently to Peter's room. I set down my bag, as they gown me up, put on a mask and a face shield, and slide my hands into stubborn rubber gloves. My heart is racing, my hands are sweating. I see Peter's hand wave from the bed....
Sixteen days, and that wave meant the world to me!!!!! The absolute world!
As I go to grab my bag, the nurse says to leave it outside the door. "But I have my Bible in there," I mumbled. I couldn't face the darkest moment of my life without my Bible. She allowed me to take it in.
I slide up next to the bed... After I squeeze his hand, and lean in to give him an embrace. How long I had wanted to just see him! How long!!!!
And I hear him say...."My wife... I wanted forty more years..."
"I have received so many promises over your life. We'll get those 40 years, Honey." I have received, even as recent as of this morning... promises that the Lord has given to those in our lives about Pete's healing.
Those 15 minutes were the longest...and the shortest...of my life. The doctor came in to consult with us and remind us of Pete's terminal diagnosis. What decision did we want to make? I could hear the doctor speaking, but my mind was saying... "I hear you talking, but this doesn't pertain to us."
After he left, I looked at Pete, asked what he wanted to do, and there we landed. We requested time. More time...
As the nurse escorted me out after waving goodbye to my love, I said to her, "You know, when we met, a little Heaven happened. You see, forever isn't enough time to spend with him. I have a very big God, and He will care for us. Peter’s special. Unbelievably special!" She whispered that she would be praying for us...
Today... Three weeks later... Beautiful, precious time... Each day has been, "This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it!" Yes, we have today... That is a gift!! An unbelievably precious gift!!!!! Thank You, Lord, for another day!
Peter has been transferred to regular oxygen at 6 liters. The new doctor, who is another gift from God, came in with a huge smile on his face. "You just keep surprising us!" he says as he sits down on the bed to talk to us.
As he shares how well Pete is doing, he tells us what we need to be able to do to get home. Simply... No word of long term care... No word of terminal... No word of end of life. Simply, how to get home and start life again. Life again... Life......
Today is three weeks from that horrid, crystal clear day. Many days have been challenging. Many conversations have happened where our decision was questioned profoundly. Yet here we stand... "Wait for the Lord; be strong, take heart...and wait for the Lord." - Psalm 27:14. The prayers we've prayed...along with each of you... They matter! They most certainly matter!!! Each day I came in and put on praise music and chose to praise when we couldn't see. It mattered.
You see, God gave us a promise! In fact, he reminded with many, many promises from some of you, from His Word, and from His magnificent fingerprints I saw each day as I dared to turn to look up and ask, "What do You have for us today?"
Every. Single. Time. He answered. He gave me a word to focus on. He gave me a visual of what He was doing. A scripture popped to mind.
It was always the quiet, gentle voice. No matter how noisy the world around us got, The Quiet Voice would speak. I just had to lean in. Rest in... with expectancy.
So today, I say with every fiber of my being..."This is the day that the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it!"
Thank You, Lord, for today!!!! You are good! You are faithful! You are beyond description! And You, Lord, are so very personal and tender to the least of these. Thank You! Which is simply not enough... We love and honor You with our life...
Forty more years, here we come!!!!
